My book, Ruthless Grieving, The Journey to Acceptance and Beyond, is two years old.
Like a child it has revealed itself to me, as to who she is and what she is about. The biggest reveal has been that the most significant reason I called the book Ruthless Grieving is about how fierce and even wrong it feels to personally gain from the loss of a loved one.
I gained a tremendous amount of wisdom from the losses I experienced in 2001. Losing my husband was unbelievable to me and it took me at least a year to deeply process what had happened.
And the same year, less than three months later a lost my daughter to a heroin addiction. This intervened on the worst features of my personality – the selfishness and narcissism, the distortions of the self recrimination “All about me”j
It is extremely humbling to lose someone we love. All our illusions of self determination and empowerment are crushed for a time.
My personal power had to come from a different place in me – much less ego and much more Spirit.
The idea of becoming better and gaining from a close loss feels deeply wrong. I don’t want to gain from my losses – but I did and lived to write about it.